Overcoming Lies, Part 1
Is biblical leadership and submission outdated? Our culture says yes, and many Christian couples have quietly agreed. In Part 1 of Overcoming Lies, Dave and Bethlie Young take on the first lie about marriage: that God’s design for husbands and wives is old-fashioned and doesn’t work.
They explore how feminist ideology has shaped the way singles, couples, and even church families view marriage and raising children. They explain why “Christian feminist” doesn’t hold together, and they show how God made men and women differently on purpose. Husbands love, lead, and provide security. Wives submit, respect, and partner in the mission.
They also speak honestly to couples where one spouse isn’t living biblically. It’s a clear, grace-filled look at God’s design for the Christian family.
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3. Detailed Show Notes
Overcoming Lies (Part 1): The Lie That Leadership and Submission Don’t Work
Last week, Dave and Bethlie introduced the series on overcoming the lies we believe. They warned that lies come from the enemy, from the culture, and sometimes from our own hearts. This week, they name the first one. And they start where so many lies do their damage: marriage.
Before naming the lie, they point out that lies won’t change anything without the truth of God’s Word. They then examine how feminist ideology has moved from the fringe to the mainstream, including within the church. They also explain why God’s design of loving leadership and respectful submission still works today.
Truth First: Why the Word of God Is Essential
Daily Devotions
Dave encourages every believer to set aside time each day. Close Instagram, Facebook, and the news, and open God’s Word on purpose. An app is fine if that’s what it takes, but not as background noise while doing something else. Real learning means stopping to meditate, think, and apply.
Faithfulness to a Bible-Teaching Church
In counseling, they regularly meet Christians who say, “I’ve never heard that before. Is that in the Bible?” Often these believers grew up in church but missed Sunday after Sunday for travel ball or “family time.” They missed the very messages that could have challenged the lies they now believe.
Teaching Children at Home
Parents have to talk about God’s Word while walking, driving, and sitting at meals. When issues come up, point your kids to the Bible. Truth is the key to overcoming lies.
How Feminism Has Shaped Views of Marriage
In this episode we will define feminism as a deliberate ideological shift that has reshaped how women, men, and singles view marriage. Bethlie notes how rare it has become to meet a young woman whose goal is to be a wife and mother. Many want marriage someday, but “not right now,” after career, travel, and fun.
She points to a popular social media couple whose entire brand celebrates not having children so their Sunday mornings stay free. The message behind messages like that is that children would ruin your life.
“Christian Feminist” Is a Contradiction
Bethlie challenges women who call themselves Christian feminists, even jokingly. If you study what feminism actually teaches, she says, it doesn’t line up with the Word of God.
The Lie: Leadership and Submission Are Old-Fashioned and Don’t Work
Scripture teaches in Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, and 1 Peter 3 that God ordained the husband as head of the home. Wives follow his leadership and partner with him to accomplish the mission God has placed on his heart.
“We Submit to Each Other”?
Many Christian influencers reduce marriage to a co-equal arrangement where husband and wife take turns submitting, based on a verse in Ephesians 5. Mutual submission means both spouses submit to God’s plan, and that plan gives husbands and wives distinct roles.
Equal in Worth, Different by Design
Men and women are both created in God’s image, with equal access to grace, prayer, and the Father. In Christ, there is neither male nor female. But in a sin-cursed world, God designed the home so that two people with sin natures use their differences for the good of the relationship.
What About Harsh or Abusive Husbands?
A man who lords his leadership over his wife is terribly wrong. He isn’t living out the biblical role God gave him. This isn’t about wives letting husbands run over them. Both spouses must embrace their God-given roles.
God’s Design for Husbands: Love, Lead, and Provide Security
Wives are designed by God to need security and to feel loved. When a husband fails, he undermines both. God commands husbands to love unconditionally so that her need is met through him, not through parents, children, friends, or coworkers.
That’s why men are called to be workers. Dave shares how his father sometimes worked two jobs. Even in hard seasons, his mother reminded the children, “Your dad is a hard worker,” pointing to the ways he provided security. Young husbands, the culture may ridicule the idea, but work hard to provide security for your wife.
God’s Design for Wives: Submit, Respect, and Partner
Husbands are designed by God to accomplish a mission and to feel respected in doing it. That’s why many men are “married to their work.” Marriage gives them a greater mission: a happy home, provision, and growing old together.
Bethlie challenges the culture of belittling husbands, whether through eye-rolling posts on social media or comments in the church lobby. A disrespected husband often stops trying, which leaves his wife feeling even more unloved. Her goal: when David comes home to Woodstone Drive, he knows he’ll find respect there, no matter what happens anywhere else.
Dwell With Understanding: Study Each Other
First Peter 3 calls husbands to live with their wives according to knowledge, with understanding. Every marriage is unique:
- Husbands: Learn what your wife needs in order to feel secure, and take steps to provide it.
- Wives: Learn what makes your husband feel respected, whether that’s words, attitude, partnership, or encouragement.
In a culture built on sarcasm and ridicule, God calls couples to study and meet each other’s needs.
When Your Spouse Isn’t Living Biblically
Some husbands act like big kids, and some wives expect to be treated like princesses. When one spouse is believing a lie, it’s hard. But it doesn’t excuse the other spouse from obeying God. Bethlie encourages wives to keep respecting and following their husbands. Often, when one spouse starts doing what’s right, the other becomes more willing to follow.